Curse of Immortality
by Chikasumi Kurotsuki
Summary: What if the only way to save Jem's life was for him to join the Brotherhood? And what would happen if Clary and Jace witnessed Tessa and Jem reuniting with each other? Read and find out! (Based after City of Lost Souls)
1. Unexpected Encounter

Jem and Tessa Fanfic.

_What if there was no cure for Jem's "condition"? What if the only way to save him was for him to become a Silent Brother? And if so, what if he changed his name to Zachariah? So, given all of this, what will happen when Tessa and Jem reunite after a very long time in modern day New York City with the characters from TMI as witnesses? Read and find out. _

"So, do you even glow in the dark, little Shadowhunter?" Magnus Bane said with a taunting smirk as he walked up to Jace and Clary.

"Yes, and I can shoot flames out of my hands. It's all quite fascinating." Jace replied dryly.

Clary smiled a little. At least some things never changed. Jace was still Jace with his constant sarcasm and quick wit and Magnus was still Magnus, willing to torment Jace every chance he had.

"Hello, Magnus" Clary said as she elbowed Jace in his ribs. "I didn't think I'd see you here."

Magnus looked at Clary and smiled a little, his smile not reaching his eyes. "Neither did I, but I couldn't give up the chance to see the Human Torch in action"

"I still don't know who this Torch guy is." Jace said

Clary ignored him and said, "I'm glad you came. You've helped so much."

"_Magnus_." Clary jumped at the voice in her head. She turned to her right and saw Brother Zachariah; she hadn't even noticed his presence until he had spoken.

"J-, Zachariah, didn't figure you'd be here." Magnus responded sounding a lot like Clary had a moment ago.

"_Yes, well, I wanted to see how the Herondale boy was doing_." Brother Zachariah said, turning his head a little towards Jace and Clary, a strand of his black hair escaping the cover of his hood.

"Well as you can see he is quite all right, not even glowing at the moment." Magnus said, glancing around the room slightly.

Brother Zachariah didn't notice Magnus's wondering eyes as he continued to stare at Jace, or what appeared to be staring seeing as his eyes had been sown shut. He seemed to almost sigh as he turned his attention back to Magnus. Clary would have given anything to know what the Silent Brother was thinking.

"_So it seems. What are you doing Magnus?"_

"Nothing, nothing at all." Magnus responded as he tore his gaze away from whatever he had been staring at and back to Brother Zachariah.

"_Looking for the Lightwood boy I..."_ Brother Zachariah stopped as a figure approached from the direction Magnus had previously been looking.

Clary was baffled at their friendly banter and Jace seemed equally as confused, though the mention of Alec did cause Clary to momentarily forget as she looked at Magnus, who was holding a neutral expression on his face. Though Clary thought she saw the slightest hint of pain in Magnus's cat like eyes.

"Magnus," the figure said with a smile as it approached. Clary could tell now that it was feminine. The woman looked to be about Clary's own age, perhaps a little older, and had brown hair and grey eyes. Clary couldn't help but think she looked familiar.

Magnus looked as if he wanted to bolt and Clary realized he was uncomfortable, but he smiled and nodded at the new comer.

"Tessa," he said with a nod, body rigid, as she stopped beside him. Brother Zachariah was just as rigid and turned slightly so that his back was no longer facing Tessa. Jace gave Clary a curious look and she just shrugged in return, just as baffled at the Silent Brother and Magnus's sudden discomfort and tension in the air.

"_Tessa" _Brother Zachariah said in a way as if he had been holding his breath. Clary was shocked at the amount of emotion, of the sadness, that that one word held.

The girl's smile disappeared and she stiffened at the sound of her name and for a second Clary thought she saw a glimpse of pain in her eyes.

"Jem" Tessa said, with just as much emotion in her voice Brother Zachariah had held. Clary looked at Magnus who still seemed extremely uncomfortable.

"It's been a long time" Tessa said with a slight, almost sad, smile.

"_Yes, it has." _Clary was a bit surprised that Brother Zachariah wasn't talking directly to Tessa with the emotion his words held, but with the way he had reacted Clary figured he was still too surprised to notice that the others could hear his words as well.

"I haven't seen you since your hair got its color back. I wonder if your eyes would have gained their original color back as well." Tessa said almost dreamily as if deep in thought as she stared at the Silent Brother intently.

Clary had a feeling they knew each other well and should leave the two to talk about old times, but her feet seemed glued to the floor and she couldn't move.

"_Perhaps. I'm surprised to see you here."_

"In New York City?"

"_No, _here_."_

_**"**_I could say the same for you, but I came to talk to Magnus about something."

They both looked at Magnus who seemed to get more uncomfortable the longer the conversation continued. "She's right. We were gonna reminisce about the late 19th century together." Magnus responded.

"_Invite Camille and myself and, if he was still here, Scott Woolsey, and we would have a wonderful conversation about good ole London."_ Zachariah said in what Clary did believe was a very sarcastic manor.

"Or an awkward one," Magnus muttered before responding with, "You know as well as I that Camille hasn't been seen since the Lilith incident.

"Really, Jem." Tessa said with a sigh. "You sound a great deal like Will."

_"D_o I_? What about you, Magnus?"_

"Well, it is hard to get rid of that Herondale spirit." Magnus said as Tessa and Zachariah both looked at him.

"Indeed." Tessa said looking back at Zachariah. "Jem, could..."

"_Yes."_ Brother Zachariah said when Tessa stopped.

"Jem," She tried again. "Could you take your hood off?"

Brother Zachariah merely stood there for a while before moving his hands up to his hood, where he paused for a second before pushing it back to reveal a headful of dark hair. After doing so he let his arms fall back to his sides

Tessa moved closer to him and lightly touched his face with her fingers and then ran her hand through his hair. A slight sighed escaped her lips and her eyes seemed tormented by a wide range of emotions. She lowered her hand and placed it over his heart and he raised a hand and placed it over hers. They stood there like that for a few seconds and then at the same time pulled away.

Tessa opened her eyes and a single tear escaped. "I wish things could have been different for us both." She said sorrowfully.

"_So do I, my dear Tessa, so do I?"_ Zachariah said with equal sorrow before putting his hood back up and walking away.

Clary and Jace stood there in silence as Tessa and Magnus watched him walk away.

"I'm sorry, Magnus, I didn't mean to interrupt your conversation." Tessa said and then turned and looked at Clary and Jace for the first time. "Sorry I did not introduce myself, my name is Tessa Grey. It is nice to meet you, Jonathan Herondale, Clarissa Morgenstern."

"Jace. Clary." Clary and Jace corrected her at the same time, still a little dumbfounded.

"I see Henry's red hair made it through the generations. That is good to know I do suppose." Tessa said and turned to look at Magnus. "I'll talk to you later." She told him and walked away the opposite way as Brother Zachariah.

"What was that," Jace asked after the three of them stood there in silence for a few moments.

"Immortality." Magnus said sadly and walked away as well.

Jace and Clary merely looked at each other. But as Clary watched Magnus walk away she recalled her last conversation with Brother Zachariah.

_"Were you ever in love? Before the Brotherhood? Was there ever anyone you would have died for?" Clary had asked._

_ "_Two people", _said Brother Zachariah. "_There are memories that time does not erase, Clarissa. Ask your friend Magnus Bane, if you do not believe me. Forever does not make loss forgettable, only bearable."

Clary got the feeling that the two people Brother Zachariah had been talking about were this Will Herondale and Tessa herself. He had had to watch everyone he loved and cared about fade away as he continued on through time. So had Tessa Grey. They had even lost each other for reasons unknown to her. It was clear to Clary that Zachariah and Tessa had meant the same thing to each other and held the same bond that Jace and herself had, and that even that had been ripped away. Yet, even after over 100 years they still loved each other and felt the pain of not being able to be together.

Clary looked at Jace and tried to imagine what it would be like if they both had eternity but could never be together. A shudder went through her as she realized it must be the most terrible heartache there was and couldn't imagine the pain ever being remotely bearable. Then she was relieved knowing that she would never have to face that possibility. But her relief was short lived and soon replaced by sorrow, not only for Brother Zachariah and Tessa, but also for Magnus. For he was in the same boat as them. Gifted with eternal life, but cursed with having to watch time and those he cared about most vanish together.

Clary was shook out of her thoughts as Jace grabbed her hand and warmth spread through her. She looked up at him, her previous thoughts forgotten, and touched the side of his face gently with her free hand.

"Let's go Torch, I'm sure Simon or Alec or someone is looking for us." Clary said looking into Jace's golden eyes.

"I still don't know why people keep calling me that." Jace said with shake of his head as he let her lead him through the crowd.


	2. Memories

**Disclaimer: All character from both The Infernal Devices and The Mortal Instruments belong to Cassandra Clare, not myself. **

**I wasn't completely sure if I was going to write more than the first chapter or not, but I figured why not. Hope you like it and let me know your opinion, good or bad. **

Chapter 2

Zachariah, Jem, took a deep breath as he walked the streets of New York, not yet ready to go back to the Silent City. He stopped and looked up at the sky, wishing he could see the stars in the night sky, but the city lights of New York prevented that. With a sigh he continued on his way.

He had told Clarissa that the pain of losing those you love would become bearable in time, what he hadn't told her was that even after a good 140 years the pain he held for losing his parabatai and the woman he loved was still just as strong. Time had helped him cope, helped him to store his sorrow in the back of his mind where it wasn't as painful, but at the end of the day the pain was still there.

Jem stopped once again when he noticed the noise of the city had disappeared and looked around, without even knowing it he had made his way to Central Park and had wondered deep into the park where only Shadowhunters went. Feeling weary, Jem sat down and leaned against nearby tree.

He had tried to prepare himself for when he saw Tessa again; telling himself deep down inside that it would probably be unlikely. Somehow he had deluded himself with the idea that it wouldn't affect him, not after all the time that had passed. Jem had been wrong, dead wrong. Seeing Tessa again, _his_ Tessa, had opened up old wounds that he had thought had healed long ago. And with the newly opened wounds came the memories of long ago.

Memories of the first night he saw Tessa, memories of him falling in love with her, memories of her showing interest towards him, and memories of them planning to spend the rest of his life with her. Plans that had changed drastically.

Jem shook the thoughts from his head before he unburied too many of his memories from long ago. But Tessa stayed on his mind, wonderful Tessa, who hadn't changed at all. Though of course she would appear to be young for many more years to come, as would he, for it was one of the prices of living forever

Jem sighed once more as he thought of her touch, her fingers just as tender and warm as they had been in London, and just as unsettling. Tessa's touch had warmed a part of his heart he had thought would never be warmed again. The fact that she still had such an effect on him made his heart tighten a little, for they could never be together.

Tessa had no idea how much he wished things had been different for them. How he wished that she had been born a normal human or even a Shadowhunter, or how he wished he hadn't needed the Yin Fin to survive, even though it was slowly killing him. She had no idea how much he wished they could have grown old together and had a family of their own, but fate hadn't been that kind.

Jem sat there for a long time as he tried to push all of his feelings and thoughts to the back of his mind, but no matter how hard he tried her face, her voice, her touch kept haunting him. He wished he could just ignore this ghost from his past, but deep down inside he never wanted her to leave.

Tessa sat at a table in a dark corner of the room, away from all of the others; she had her head in her hands as she stared at the candle on the table in front of her, willing the tears back. She had never thought seeing Jem would wrestle up such old emotions, emotions she thought she had buried when she realized she could never have either of the boys she loved, not really.

A shaky breath escaped as she tried to put back up the barriers she had built around her heart over 100 years ago, barriers that Jem had managed to demolish just by saying her name. Tessa continued to stare at the candlelight as she thought about how his hair had gained back its old color, a color she had never known him with. She hadn't realized how much she would miss his silver hair, or his silver eyes, which were now sown shut. Tessa was thankful that they hadn't sown his lips shut like the elder Silent Brothers; she didn't think she could handle seeing him like that, but the fact that his hair had still felt like silk on her fingers comforted her a little.

Tessa wished she had never come back to New York, but she had never thought she would see him _here_ of all places. There were other Silent Brothers, not as many as there had been a few months ago, but still others. Fate could be so cruel sometimes.

With another shaky breath Tessa looked up as she saw a pair of legs approach her.

"Magnus," she said, surprised by how even her voice sounded.

"I'm sorry, Tessa, I didn't know he would be here." Magnus said a little apologetically. Tessa noticed his eyes were dull and didn't have their usual mischievous sparkle to them.

"It's not your fault, Magnus; it was bound to happen eventually. It wasn't like could go the rest of our never ending lives never running into each other at some point in time." Tessa said with a slight smile.

"Suppose so, huh. Never thought I'd ever see Camille again, let alone be in the same room as her, and I did. That turned out real well." Magnus sat down across from Tessa.

"So what happened?"

"With Camille?"

"No, with the Lightwood boy, the one who looks devastatingly like Will."

Magnus closed his eyes and sighed. "Camille said the same thing, about Alec looking like Will. I hadn't really thought that much about it until she mentioned it." Tessa waited for him to go on. "In fact, she's part of the reason why we broke up; she's very good at manipulating people."

"I'm sorry," Tessa said figuring she wouldn't get any more than that. "A real piece of work, isn't she?"

"That she is" Magnus said with a slight smirk.

Tessa could tell that Magnus was hurting, just like she was, and she felt bad for him. It had taken them a while to become friends but once they had both gotten over Will to the best of their ability they had bounded quite nicely and she hated to see him sad like this. She much preferred his sarcastic pain-in-the-but self.

"Why don't you try to fix things," Tessa asked, feeling bad they hadn't talk since the ball at Idris.

"I broke up with him."

"So?"

"So, why don't you go after Jem?" Magnus said, giving Tessa a meaningful look. Tessa heart clenched a little as she looked at him with the same eyes he had. They both knew very well why not.

**Sorry it took so long to post this chapter and that it was kinda slow. Let me know what you think!**


	3. Discussion

Ch. 3

**I'm extremely sorry it took me so long to post this chapter. I've been concentrating on Love Story lately because it's easier to write than Curse of Immortality. Hope the wait was worth it. Once again I'm sorry.**

Clary, Jace, Isabelle, and Simon where all sitting in Magnus's living room, only the most former of the four actually having been invited. Magnus was folding himself into an arm chair when there was a knock at the door and he was forced to spring back up to his feet. He walked quickly to the door and opened it.

"Tessa," Magnus said almost surprised.

"Hello, Magnus. May I come in?"

Magnus looked behind him and looked back at Tessa and nodded. "Sure, he said as he opened the door wider."

"Tessa," Clary said in surprise when she saw Tessa behind him.

"Clary," Tessa said in a greeting.

Magnus saw Clary's eyes sadden a little as she looked back and forth between Tessa and himself. Magnus felt a little uncomfortable under that gaze of hers but it did make his heart soften a little towards her.

"I, I didn't think you still be in New York after the party," Clary said a bit hesitantly, as if she was embarrassed to say it.

Tessa's face softened a little before saying, "I haven't had time to talk to Magnus yet."

"Wait, who are you?" Magnus heard Isabelle say in an almost indignant voice. He turned his head to look at her; she had one leg crossed over the other and her arms also crossed in front of her. She had her head tilted up in an almost superior manor.

Tessa's lips twitched a little as she eyed Alec's sister. "You must be the Lightwood girl, you certainly act like one." She said almost amused.

Isabelle stiffened a little. "My name is Isabelle."

"Tessa."

"That doesn't explain who you are," Isabelle said pointedly.

"Isabelle," Clary chided her friend. Isabelle just gave her a look.

"I am an old friend of Magnus's. I've been in the city for a few days and I thought I would catch up with him." Tessa said, unfazed by Isabelle, as she turned to give Magnus a faint smile.

Magnus caught Isabelle giving him an accusing look. "Not like that, Isabelle. I helped her save the clave a very long time ago."

"It hasn't been that long, Magnus, not even 200 years." Tessa said, a bit sadly.

"So you are a warlock," Clary's vampire friend spoke for the first time.

Tessa hesitated slightly before responding. "Yes," she said slowly, "you could call me that."

"What does," Isabelle started to say but Magnus gave her a sharp look that shut her up.

"Do you want us to leave?" Clary asked politely. "We can come back and talk to Magnus another time."

"No, that is not necessary. I wouldn't mind talking to you a while, if you don't mind." Tessa said.

"Oh" is all Clary said and looked at Jace, who had his elbow on the arm of the couch he and Clary sat on, his head resting in his hand wearing a very bored expression.

"Do you want to sit down, or are you going to continue to stand at attention like that?" Magnus asked with a slight smile.

Tessa looked at him and rolled her eyes slightly before taking a chair beside him, her back to the door. "Happy, your Highness?" She said in a mocking tone.

"Very," he replied just as mocking. Isabelle and the daylighter looked at them with puzzled expressions. Magnus made a sound of amusement which rewarded him a sharp look from Isabelle.

"What would you like to talk about?" Clary asked looking at Tessa as she ignored Isabelle, who seemed to be in an almost pouty mood.

"Actually, I'd like to talk about the Herondale boy's... ailment. Along with your abilities." Tessa said, then looked at Simon. "Perhaps we can discuss the daylighter as well."

This caused Simon to squirm a little and Isabelle snapped her head away from Magnus and towards Tessa. Jace's head had snapped up from its resting spot on his hand at the mention of his name and then his expression hardened a little at the mention of Clary. Magnus was amused at how protective of Clary Jace could be at times.

"Why would you want to talk about that?" Clary said, puzzled.

"It interests me, and Magnus thought I might be able to give some knew insight on some of it." Tessa said, pulling her feet under her. Magnus still wasn't used to seeing her in modern clothing, at the moment she had on jeans and a simple black V-neck t-shirt. It was different compared to 19th century London's dresses. Even the last few times he had seen her she had been in a dress.

"But," Clary said as she looked at Magnus and then at Jace when Jace grabbed her hand.

"Don't worry, she won't tell a soul of what happened within these walls." Magnus said in a reassuring manor. Clary looked back at him and nodded. Jace didn't seem convinced.

"I'm afraid I've been out of the loop when it comes to the two of you, and the daylighter," Tessa said pausing before saying the latter and looking at Simon as she did, before looking back to Clary and Jace. "I've heard bits and pieces but that's it. I keep to myself mostly, unless called upon."

"Why not just ask Magnus," Clary said jumping to the most obvious solution.

"Oh, I have talked to him some, but I wanted to talk to you personally. Especially since I have history with your families."

Isabelle looked surprised at this but didn't say anything. Clary's head tilted to the side as if she was thinking about something. "You said something about Henry's hair making it through the generations, what did you mean by that?"

Tessa smiled a little, "When I first found out I wasn't human I stayed at the London Institute for a while. It was then run by a women named Charlotte Branwell her husband Henry Branwell. Charlotte's maiden name was Fairchild and her husband Henry had red hair. Now, I'm not certain that you are a direct decedent of theirs, but I would like to think so."

"Oh," Clary said. Magnus noticed she still looked like she was thinking about something and his thoughts were confirmed when hers eyes widened as if just realizing something for the first time. "What about William Herondale? I remember him coming up in the conversation you had with Brother Zachariah. I also remember catching his name signed in an old book that Jace has."

This caused Tessa's eyes to widen a little and Jace to stiffen. At first Magnus thought that Clary hadn't noticed the change in Jace because she kept her gaze on Tessa, but then Magnus saw Clary's hand tighten on Jace's and Jace looked down at her.

"What book was it?" Tessa asked, her voice sounding strange.

"A Tale of Two Cities."

An almost pained expression fell across Tessa's face, but she quickly replaced it with one of neutral emotions. Tessa then smiled a little and said, "That was one of my favorite books, Will tended to quote a lot out of that book."

Clary didn't say anything; she probably didn't know how to respond. But at that moment even Magnus wouldn't have known how to respond. Finally Clary did say something.

"How did you know Will Herondale?"

"He lived at the London Institute; he had been living there a few years before I showed up even. He was a... friend... of mine. He was also Jem's parabatai."

"Is that how you knew Brother Zachariah?" Clary asked.

"Yes, we all grew to be good friends." Tessa said quietly. Clary looked at Jace and then Magnus; she had that sad knowing expression in her eyes again. Feeling a little uncomfortable under that gaze of hers, Magnus glanced at Isabelle and Simon who both seemed to be watching the conversation like a tennis match, both of them looking puzzled.

"What about the Lightwoods," Clary said, changing the subject slightly.

"Oh, yes, the Lightwoods." Tessa glanced at Isabelle and then Magnus. "There were two brothers that helped me train some so I could learn to defend myself. I can't help but wonder what Will would think of a Herondale and Lightwood being parabatai, seeing as he couldn't stand the Lightwood brothers. Although I do suppose he came to tolerate them in the end."

Magnus laughed a little at the memory and at Jace and Isabelle's astounded expressions. Even Tessa seemed amused by this.

"But I suppose that was nearly 200 years ago," Tessa said looking at Magnus, who shrugged.

"Is that why you are so interested in us?" Clary said "Because you knew ancestors of ours."

"Yes, I suppose it is. I wish I would have come sooner though, because I heard there had been some Carstairs were here not so long ago. I would have liked to see them, but I suppose I can do that another time."

"Perhaps you can make a trip to LA then, if you are so desperate to relive your past." Isabelle said a bit dryly.

"Isabelle," everyone in the room besides Tessa chided her. Isabelle merely shrugged her shoulders and looked away.

"Perhaps we should get back on the subject that Tessa originally came here to discuss," Magnus said giving Tessa an apologetic look. She gave him a slight smile in return.

"Yes, umm, I wanted to ask Clary about her unique abilities." Tessa said looking at Clary.

Before Clary could respond there was a knock on the door and everyone looked up. Magnus waved them to continue and got up to answer the door. Opening he froze in his spot.

"Magnus." The guest said. Magnus forced himself to look back at Tessa who had stopped midsentence and seemed to be frozen like him at the sound of his voice. Even Clary and Jace and frozen, both of their heads snapping towards the door, their eyes wide. If it had been under different circumstances Magnus would have been amused at their intuitively. However, in this situation, it was far from amusing.


	4. Conflicted Hearts

Chapter 4

**For the second time (and sadly probably not the last) I am sorry I haven't posted another chapter for a long time. Forgive me?**

Magnus was speechless for a second, but finally he gained enough composure to say hello to the newcomer. Closing the door, Magnus turned around when he heard a sharp intake of breath.

"I wasn't expecting you to come over today, I'm sorry." Magnus whispered.

_Tessa. _The name sounded in his head and it held pain that Magnus understood very well.

Clary and Jace were still wearing shocked expressions on their faces and once again Clary had that sad look in her eyes. Magnus made a mental note to ask about that later. Still feeling uncomfortable, once again, Magnus made his way back to the chair he had been sitting in. As he did he saw that Isabelle looked as if she was getting ready to say something and gave her a sharp look that made her close her mouth and put on a somewhat pouty face. He would be so glad when she left, he wasn't in the mood for her at the moment and she reminded him of her brother too much.

"Brother Zachariah," Clary said a little hesitantly her voice a little off.

Jem seemed to come back to his senses at the sound of Clary's voice and he turned his head towards her. _Clary. Pleasure to see you again and the Herondale boy _He said taking a step from where he still stood by the door. _I'm sorry, Magnus, I hadn't realized you had... company._

"Yes well, they seem to have grown attached to me." Magnus said hoping to ease the tension in the air. Out of the corner of his eye he looked at Tessa, who was still sitting up strait and stiff as if there was a rod down her back.

_I see._

"Did you want something?"

_Merely to finish our previous conversation. But perhaps it should wait until another day. _Jem turned to leave after looking at Tessa one last time, or at least Magnus assumed that was what he had done.

"Jem," Tessa said softly, her voice wavering a little. Magnus noticed that Jem had frozen in place again. "It seems we keep running into each other." Tessa said, her voice strong and neutral this time.

Everyone in the room was frozen, not sure as of what was going to happen. Even Isabelle seemed intent on staying silent for once, which made Magnus thankful.

_So it seems. A weird turn of events. _Tessa flinched a little at the bitterness in the last few words.

"Don't be like that," she said standing up and walking towards him a little bit. Magnus couldn't see her face now, so he wasn't sure of her emotions.

_Be like what?_

"Like a child whose been hurt because his friend didn't come over to play."

Magnus choked down his laugh.

_Are you calling me a child, Tessa?_

"No, I'm saying it's not fair." She said a little frustrated.

_Why not._ Jem turned around sharply, his lips in a tight line.

"You know why." Tessa's voice raised a little.

_Don't play that card._

"What card? There is no card! It's not like you didn't do the same thing towards me."

_I have my own duties to attend to. Orders and rules to follow._

"And yet you are going out of your way for this group of teenagers."

_What is that supposed to mean._

"Really, Jem, really?" Tessa was next to irate now.

_Oh, Tessa, you have no room to judge me. You knew then what would happen. You said it would be alright. You were the one who abounded me. _Jem said harshly, pain seeping into his voice a little.

Tessa took a sharp breath in. "I didn't mean to." She said, her head falling down so that her hair covered her face. "I didn't mean to. I never had any intention on not staying friends with you, but it became too much. It seemed so much easier to just stay away from anything that involved the Brotherhood."

_What about Will?_

Tessa looked back up sharply. "What about Will?"

_I know William loved you. I don't know why I didn't see it sooner, it was so obvious. I should have realized that you also had a place in your heart for not only me but him as well. You weren't the only one who had to watch Will die while you continued to live. _

"I didn't see much of Will. He didn't want anything to do with me after he found out that we were engaged and that you truly did love me. If you had died he would had still stayed away from me. All three of us lost the two people we loved most in the world."

_At least you still talked to him from time to time. _

"You are being ridiculous! He's dead! Has been for a very long time now. I've had time to mourn over him. Yet you are different. I just can't mourn for your loss and then try to forget the pain because you still walk the earth. And you will just as long as I do. I don't know what it is you even want from me. Because you knew as well that things couldn't be as they had when you joined." Tessa said heatedly. Magnus whished he wasn't here to see or hear this conversation, but he didn't dare interrupt them.

_What is that supposed to mean?_

"You know what it means, Jem. You know. You also know why I haven't made it my business to put myself into matters where the Brotherhood is or would be involved." Tessa said softly, all the anger leaving her body.

For a while Jem didn't respond. Magnus wished he could see his eyes so that he could tell what he was thinking.

_Know what one of my favorite memories of those old times is? _He asked softly, Tessa just looked at him. _That first night you came into my room when I was playing my violin. I thought you were the most beautiful creature on earth. Another is when you were finally healed from being injured when Nate died. I had been so afraid you were going to die that I that I might die myself if you did. Well, die quicker. But you got back up on your feet and then I decided to ask you to marry me and you said yes. I hadn't actually thought you would say yes, I wasn't for sure you had the same feeling for me as I did for you, but I had to ask. When you said yes I couldn't believe it at first, but once it sunk in you made me the happiest man on the earth. I guess that was two, not one, of the many memories I have stored away for so long. You say it was too much to be around me, but it was too much to not have you around me. It took me so long to build up walls to keep you out of my memories and in one night you tore them all down. Every single last one and now I have to rebuild them, just like Will._

"James." Tessa said softly, her voice a little shaky. Magnus guessed that there were probably tears in her eyes as well. She took a step forward, but Jem took a step back.

_Oh, please don't look at me like that, Tessa. _Jem said sorrowfully stepping back until his back was against the door. Tessa kept walking towards him and stopped a few feet away.

"I'm sorry." She said, her voice was so soft that Magnus almost couldn't hear the words at all. "I truly am."

_Tessa._ Jem's voice sounded week and conflicted.

Tessa closed the little distance that remained between the two of them and pushed the hood off of Jem's head. Jem was looking down at her as if looking into her eyes. Magnus wondered if in a way Jem could still see Tessa's eyes or if he was just using his memory.

Magnus could almost see the conflicted emotions on Jem's face and then saw him shatter and pull Tessa closer to him. Tessa put her hands in Jem's hair and raising on her toes a little, pressed her lips to his.

**So... does that make up for the long wait?**


	5. Troubels of Love

Chapter 5

**Thank you all for the reviews, they are greatly appreciated. And since the last chapter went over so well I figured I would reward you guys with a super quick update. And I really will try harder to post for frequently, as long as I'm not bogged down with school work and other stuff. Thank you guys for suffering through the long waits, I know how agenizing it can be, and you guys are really great.**

Clary's eye's got huge as she watched Tessa kiss Brother Zachariah. She felt her cheeks redden a little but even though she felt rude and embarrassed for staring at what she assumed what an intimate scene for those two, she couldn't tear her eyes away. She did manage to glance at Jace just long enough to see that he was also shocked and his mouth was hanging open.

Putting her focus back on Tess and Brother Zachariah, Jem she saw that Tessa still had her hand in his hair and that he hand one hand in her hair and the other in the small of her back. _Good thing his lips aren't sewed shut._ Clary thought to herself and then felt appalled at the idea of what it would be like to kiss a Silent Brother who did have his lips sewed shut, if that was even possible. Although Clary was pretty sure that Jem was the first Silent Brother to be kissed. She also had a feeling that it was probably a rule breaker.

Tessa giggled and Clary assumed that it was something that Brother Zachariah had told her and she was glad that he had finally censored what he said. Clary had noticed that for some reason whenever it came to Tessa he never seemed to notice that everyone could hear what he was saying, or maybe he just didn't care until now. Who knew? Definitely not Clary.

Finally they broke apart, breathing heavily, and continued to stare into each other's eyes, so to speak. Clary wondered what it would be if she couldn't see Jace's eyes and the emotions he held within them. The thought devastated Clary. She loved Jace's golden eyes and how they grew darker when they met hers and how she could truly tell how he felt by his eyes.

"Oh, Jem" Tessa said so silently that Clary almost couldn't hear it.

Suddenly Magnus cleared his throat, startling Tessa and Brother Zachariah (Tessa couldn't get use to the idea of calling him Jem). As if realizing what they had done and that there were others in the room the stepped away from each other, or really Tessa stepped away from Brother Zachariah and he took a few steps to the side.

Brother Zachariah expression of shock turned to shame and then his face held no expression what so ever and he pulled his hood up quickly, covering his face in the shadow of his hood. _I must be going. I will talk to you another say Magnus. _He said, also without emotion, and then quickly left.

Tessa had been looking down the entire time since she had broken away from Brother Zachariah. She had blanched a little at his words and at the click of the door shutting. She continued to be motionless for a while after that.

"What,"

"Isabelle, why don't you take your boyfriend and leave. Please." Magnus interrupted.

When Isabelle started to protest Simon grabbed her hand and pulled her off of the couch. "Come on Izzy, we can discuss it later." He pulled her towards the door and glanced back at Clary before leaving as well with a fussy Isabelle.

"Magnus," Clary said a bit hesitantly, not sure if he would want her and Jace to leave as well.

"You can stay, Clary." Magnus said looking at her with scrutinizing eyes. "But, Jace, would it be too much to ask of you to perhaps go into another room?"

This caused Jace, who had been going back and forth between looking at Tessa quizzically to looking at Clary, to snap his head towards Magnus. "Why?"

"It's just, I have a few questions for Clary, and I'd rather ask her without your immediate presence affecting her."

"But." Jace started to protest.

"Please, you can listen in for all I care, just as long as you are out of sight."

Jace looked at Magnus for a long while with his eyebrows crinkled before nodding. "Don't want my hot self to be a distraction, I get it. I'll just be in the next room. Call for me when you can't stand not seeing my wonderful self any longer." He said as he got up and left. Clary was almost amazed at how Jace-like he could be in a moment like this, but he was Jace and he was never stunned for long.

"Tessa," Magnus said softly. "Why don't you come take a seat, you don't have to talk or anything." He continued when she looked up at him. Clary could see that her eyes were a little red and watery, as if she had been trying to keep herself from crying. She did as she was told and took the seat she had been in previous to Brother Zachariah's impromptu visit.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Clary asked a little anxiously.

"I want to know why you've been looking at me, and Tessa on occasion, the way you have been tonight."

"What do you mean?" Clary was confused as to what Magnus was asking of her.

"I mean, like you almost feel sorry for us."

"Oh," Clary said as it dawned on her what he meant. She felt her cheeks redden a little as the idea of being caught but quickly justified it with herself as a look of understanding in a sense.

"So?" Magnus said, inviting her to start her explanation.

"It's just that I feel like I understand a little better what you always meant when you were talking about how it's hard to be immortal and to live forever. I thought of what it would be like to never age, or at least age so slowly it seems like you don't age. And what it would be like to lose the person you loved most in the world because they weren't like you. Actually, just the idea of losing someone would be bad enough."

"How?" Magnus asked seeming a little surprised by her answer.

"The first time I saw Jace after I severed the connection between him and Sebastian I ran into Brother Zachariah. We somehow got onto the subject of loved ones and he mentioned how he had lost two people very dear to him and that the pain never really went away, but time made it bearable. I didn't fully understand his words or your own until I saw how Brother Zachariah and Tessa acted around each other the other night. I then thought of what it would be like to be separated from Jace and for one of us to be immortal and the other to be mortal and the thought made me extremely glad I didn't have to worry about it because just living a few years, let alone many, many lifetimes without him would hardly be unbearable.

"Of course I don't honestly know what it feels like, so I don't know what it is like for you and Tessa," Clary paused a second and she felt a tinge of sadness for a second, "and Simon. But I have an idea and just the idea, like I said, is enough to break my heart."

Magnus just continued to look at her. Finally he opened his mouth to say something, but closed it almost immediately. "You really can be insightful at times, can't you?" Magnus said, trying again.

Clary didn't know how to respond so she just stayed quiet and shrugged a little. Her mind had now strayed to the subject of Simon and how he would not get any older ever. He would stay a teenager forever. Clary would grow old and one day die and he would continue to be young and live forever. The idea, like if she had to live without Jace, almost shattered her heart. This was the first time she had allowed herself to actually think about it. She wished she hadn't.

"Clary," Magnus said and Clary looked up at him and realized her face was wet from tears she hadn't known she had been shedding. Frustrated she hastily wiped them off of her cheeks.

"Sorry," she said when Magnus continued to look at her with eyes that seemed too wise for their own good at the moment. "I, I don't know how you do it. Especially now."

Magnus's eyes grew a little wider at the last couple words she said and Clary wished she hadn't said them. There was no reason she should remind him of Alec, it was obvious Magnus missed him.

As if knowing what she was thinking he said, "It's alright, Clary, I've had years of practice when it comes to trying to forget and move on."

It made Clary feel a little better but she doubted his words about forgetting, she had an idea that he hadn't forgotten anything from his past and she said so, which was rewarded with a smirk.

"You really are too clever for your own good sometimes. But tell me, how have you managed it with Jace?" Magnus's eyes looked at her quizzically.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, there have been times when you thought you couldn't be with Jace or had lost him. How did you deal with it?"

Clary remained silent for a second before answering, not sure of how much she wanted to tell. But this was Magnus and he wouldn't tell anyone else and she doubted Tessa would, if Tessa was even listening to the conversation.

"Different ways I guess. When we thought we were siblings I just ignored my feelings for him and prayed that they would eventually fade away, even though I knew they wouldn't and I would always love him and want him. Eventually I even wanted to cave and give in. I was so glad when we found out it had been all lies. Then when Valentine killed Jace," Clary's voice wavered a little at the memory, "I felt like my heart had shattered into billions of little pieces that there was no way I would ever be able to get even close to putting it back together. So when the Angel asked what I wanted most in the world I automatically said him, because there was nothing in the world I wanted me, and there still isn't.

"And then when he started to pull away because he was afraid that he would hurt me because Lilith was toying with him I was furious at him, until I found out the truth and then I was scared. I still remember that night on the rooftop, of how Jace had been controlled by him and my heart ached so much and I was so desperate to bring him back. Even though he had stabbed me, all I wanted was to bring the real him back to me, because I knew that Jace would never hurt me. And then when Simon killed Lilith and Jace wouldn't let me touch him I was both furious and loss. I didn't understand why he would deny me being held in his arms, where I knew I was safe. I also wish I hadn't left the rooftop, because when they told me that both he and Sebastian were gone I felt so scared that I wouldn't be able to find him again.

"Then I found out that Sebastian had been able to connect the two of them again and once again I was scared for Jace's wellbeing. That's why I went with him when he came to get me the second time. I didn't care too much what happened to me at that moment, just as long as Jace was alright. And when I had to run through Jace with the Angel's sword I wanted to die, because I wasn't for sure it wouldn't kill him.

"So, I never really dealt with any of my feelings. I acted on them I suppose to get him back every time, but I never once found a way to live without him, which doesn't help you much. Unless…" Clary's voice died off at she look at Magnus who seemed to be deep in thought.

He finally sighed a little and a sad look spanned across his face. Clary looked at him in a way that said _well what are you going to do, _but all he did was shake his head.

"Magnus," clary said gently and softly. "I know it's none of my business, but perhaps you should just forget whatever reason that is keeping you and Alec apart and go out with him again." She was going to mention how they were all worried for Alec, but she thought better of it.

"I can't" Magnus said with such sadness that it made Clary want to hug him, but she stayed in her own seat.

"Why not? It's obvious you guys love each other."

"I just can't." Magnus said in a tone that wasn't rude or mean but said he had had enough of the topic and he wasn't going to say anything else about it.

Clary shook her head. "Alright. If that's all you want to talk about I'll get Jace and we can leave. Then you can talk to Tessa."

Magnus nodded and before Clary had even stood up Jace was making his way towards them. Looking at him Clary wondered if he had listened into her conversation with Magnus. He had such a neutral expression on his face she couldn't really tell, but she figured he probably had. Hopefully they could talk about it later if he had I heard what she had said.

"Ready to go?" Jace asked as he grabbed Clary's hand.

"Yeah." Clary said looking into his eyes, searching to see what emotion was hidden deep within. His eyes were a shade darker than they usually were and they seemed to dance, that was a good sign. But what he was actually thinking Clary couldn't really tell.

"I'll show you to the door," Magnus said standing up.

"Thanks for the entertainment." Jace said with a smirk. "Even though I will have to deal with Izzy once I see her."

"Jace." Clary said, a bit exasperated.

"Yes, I'm glad you got a kick out of the festivities. Next time I'll make it my job to get some exotic dancers and see what happens." Magnus replied.

Clary sighed. "Come on," she said as she pulled Jace through the door. She looked back at Magnus as he was shutting the door and gave him a week smile, which he returned in kind.

As the door clicked Clary elbowed Jace lightly in the side.

"What was that for?"

"For being ridiculous. That's what." Clary said trying to give him a stern look.

Jace smirked a little. "Don't lie to yourself; it's just one of my many qualities you love about me."

Clary shook her head a little crossed her arms, keeping the stern look plastered on her face. Jace gave her a devilish grin and pulled her close to him. She felt a smile slip onto her lips as he kissed her. Pulling away Jace looked down out her.

"Let's not go back home." Jace said, suddenly serious.

"Why not?"

"Because I wasn't kidding when I said I'd have to deal with Isabelle and I really want to put that off as long as possible."

**Hope you liked it. Also, do you think I'm portraying the character right? Because I really am trying to keep them as true as they are in the actual books, but I'm not sure if I'm doing a good job or not.**


	6. Broken Walls

Chapter 6

**I'm going to try to make Saturday/Sunday the day I post knew chapters for this story and I am going to try my hardest to update every weekend. If not I am sorry because my weekend are also starting to get busy. **

Jem had found himself making his way to the park yet again. In the back of his mind he wished he was back in London, even though the New York weather was a lot less dreary. Inside, his heart was a sea of conflicting emotions. Anger, shock, disappointment, sadness, and discuss, but under all of those emotions lay a hint of pleasure and happiness. Jem shook his head as discuss temporarily took priority. Discuss not at Tessa, but at himself. How could he have let her kiss him? Why hadn't he stopped her? Why had he kissed her back? He was a Silent Brother, he had put behind himself all of his human emotions and desires. Well, most of them, seeing as Clarissa Morgenstern was right when she had told him he seemed to be the most human if the Silent Brothers. He had kept his sympathy for others along with a few other unimportant emotions.

As he sat down and leaned against the same tree he had visited a few nights ago guilt racked him. He suddenly felt very bad for speaking to Tessa the way he had. Tessa was right when she had called him a child, he had acted rather immaturely. She had also been right about the fact that he had known things would be different once he joined the Brotherhood. It really hadn't been her fault not keeping an un-keepable promise, especially when even he himself had come up short.

Jem had been taken aback at the anger and pain in Tessa's voice as she yelled at him. But it was nothing compared to the shock of when she had kissed him. His heart ached at the thought. It had almost seemed like the old days, having her in his arms and her hands twined in his hair as the shared a kiss. A kiss that said everything that they couldn't say, that spoke of their pain, their love, even their anger at dreams that no longer existed. It had been so similar to past kissed and yet so different that it had shaken Jem to his very core.

Jem brought his hand up to his cheek as he was brought back to the then and now, and looked up as he felt something wet run down his face. As he did look up, it started to rain. It wasn't a heavy rain, but a constant gentle one, making him miss London even more. Closing his eyes he wished with all his heart that he could go back to before his life, his fate, had changed forever. He wished he could go on a walk along London's coble roads that were busy with coaches, men on horseback, and others content with walking on foot. Allowing himself to let down what little walls remained he imagined himself walking those roads with Tessa on his arm with a smile on her face. Then he imagined himself in the London institute at the table with the others.

Charlotte would be busy with the baby while Henry had his heads in the clouds, too worried about his latest invention. Will and Cecily would be arguing over some nonsense and Tessa would make some smart comment to Will once there was a break in the conversation. Then Tessa would laugh and smile at Jem, who was too busy looking on at the events at the table. Will would say something to Jem, and Jem would have to make a reply and then wink at Tessa, who would laugh.

Opening his eyes, Jem sighed. If only life could be that simple again. But time had passed and only he and Tessa were still around. Jem tried to put up the walls quick enough to keep his heart from aching, but with them still being in construction they weren't enough to block out all of the pain of the past.

Putting his head in his hands, he wished he hadn't allowed himself to think of the past and how easy life had been, how easy it could have been. Instead here he was, sitting in the rain and wallowing in self-pity that his life had taking a turn he had never imagined. Jem knew he needed to pull himself together and go back to the Silent City, but he couldn't seem to make himself move. So he just sat there and listened to the rain as it hit the ground.

Tessa was making her way back to the hotel she was staying at. She almost wished she had taken Magnus up on his offer to stay in one of the spare rooms in his apartment, but she had denied the offer, not wanting to impose on him. It seemed she couldn't quite shake her 19th century manors, not matter how hard she tried or how far away the 1800s got.

Tessa was a bit disappointed she hadn't gotten to talk to Clary or Jace as much as she would have liked, but Magnus assured her he would try to set up another time for her to talk to them when she felt up to it. She also felt a little embarrassed that they had witnessed her moment of weakness. Embarrassed and ashamed.

Her heart dropped at the idea of Jem. She hadn't meant to kiss him; she hadn't even meant to yell at him like she had, but she had lost control of her emotions. Tessa stopped for a second and closed her eyes as she remembered the feel of his breath on her neck and how familiar it was to be in his arms. Then her stomach flipped and her chest tightened at the memory of how distant Jem became the second they broke apart. She remembered how he had seemed shock, pleased, but shocked nonetheless, then that shock had turned into shame. Tessa knew that she had caused him pain, had caused him to break rules and promises he had never intended to break. Both of those reactions she could understand and had even been prepared for to an extent, but it was the coldness she hadn't been expecting. It was the coldness that had felt like a knife to her already hurting heart.

Shaking the memory from her head before it could damage her even more; she started on her way once again. Refusing to remember anymore she went back to fretting over the fact that she hadn't been able talk to Clary or Jace, and that she hadn't even really noticed when they had left. Perhaps she should have thought about staying at the Institute, even though in the back of her mind she knew she had purposely avoided the idea when she had come to New York.

Looking around she took in all the sounds and sights of New York at night. It had changed so much since she left as a teenager to go live in London. It had grown, like all great cities do, and there wasn't much left from when she had lived in the city. Most of the old building had been torn down and replaced by sky scrapers and hotels and apartment complexes. It was also busier, there were always the sounds of cars and trucks as they went back and forth on the highway, the chatter of people as walked the sidewalks, and the lights of the city blocked out the stars completely.

Tessa had seen other cities change in other countries and watched as the world became more complex. But it was never enough to prepare how much New York, or even London, had changed. Nor did it prepare her for the sadness that it brought that nothing was the same.

So caught up in her thoughts Tessa didn't notice right away that it had started to rain or that she had been making her way towards the park instead of back her temporary residence. Tessa paused a few feet into the park as the rain started to fall a little harder and looked up into the night sky. With a deep breath, she continued on her way, not caring that she was getting drenched. Her shoes made very soft sloshing sounds as they treaded across the soaked earth.

Suddenly she froze as she took in a shadow about 60 yards away leaning against a tree.

Tessa had left about forty minutes ago and Magnus had settled himself down into a chair with a warm cup of coffee and book that he had just picked at random off of his shelf when a knock came at the door. A little irritated, he sighed and sat both the book and cup down onto the little inn-table that was to his right. Magnus unfolded himself from his chair and made his way to his door as the insistent knocking continued.

"Hold on one blasted moment!" Magnus said as he approached the door his hand hovering over the handle. The knocking continued.

"What do you…" Magnus's words died off as he opened the door, his eyes widening.

**Sorry it isn't much, but if I have time I will try to write a little more before next weekend, but no promises. I'm also sorry if there are errors I didn't catch, I was in a hurry to type this up and post it. **


	7. Difficult Decisions

Chapter 7

Magnus took in a sharp intake of breath as he saw who had been knocking on his door so profusely. His eyes were wide and he had to force himself to close his open mouth. Magnus also knew that his knuckles were probably turning white from his tight grip on the handle of his door.

"Wha, what are you doing here?" Magnus tried again; surprised his voice was fairly steady considering he was pretty shaken up as he look at a boy who looked like had gone to hell and back.

"You wouldn't answer my calls." He said matter of factly.

The sound of his voice pulled Magnus out of his shock as his heart clenched up in his chest and he considered slamming the door shut before whatever this was could go on anymore. But as Magnus acted on this thought a foot was put in the door, not allowing it to close all the way, and the boy forced his way into the apartment.

"I don't remember inviting you in," Magnus said as anger started to build up within him a little.

"I invited myself in."

"What do you want?"

Magnus stared into the blue eyes that were dull and almost held a haunted look within them. This shook Magnus a little. He was so use to those eyes being clear and bright and focused. At the moment they weren't even close to the eyes he loved and yet they caused his heart to ache all the same.

"I want to talk to you."

"Well, I do not wish to talk to you. Confirming the fact that I was ignoring your calls."

"Would you stop acting childish for one moment and listen to what I have to say."

This enraged Magnus.

"You want _me_ to stop acting childish! I'm not the one who was sneaking around and going behind people's back like a rowdy little ten year-old. I wasn't the one who lied about where I was going and what I was doing."

"You may never have lied, but you never told the truth either. How can you be so angry when I told everything and you gave nothing in return? Not once did you ever answer the questions I asked about you and your past, you always evaded the answer just like the fay would. Not necessarily lying, but certainly not telling me the truth either. All I wanted was answers and I thought I had found a way to get a few of them since you weren't willing to give them to me." The words were hard as they came from the tight set lips of their deliverer. It hit Magnus like a slap almost, stinging his flesh and his heart. He wasn't use to this person's voice sounding so cruel and angry.

"So this is all my fault?"

"I didn't say that, I said what did you expect. I get that you weren't happy with me going behind your back and I did tell you I was sorry. I hadn't intending things to go on as long as they did. In fact I was going to go the one time and be done but I went back a second time and a third and then after that it just escalated. That last day I went I had gone to say I was done and I held every intention of killing her."

"I've heard this all before." Magnus said crossly.

"I take it that you really don't care then."

"That would be the correct assumption."

The disheveled boy seemed to flinch a little at Magnus's words and he almost wanted to break down then and there and say he didn't care anymore and was willing to put it behind him. But another part, a stronger part, said that he couldn't forgive and that it was best to move on in life.

"That fast huh." Those cold blue eyes stared him down. "It was that fast to just forget all about me. Perhaps I shouldn't have wasted my time on you then either, seeing as I was just another thing to help you pass the time as you continued to live your immortal life."

The words pulled at Magnus's heart and made him consider once again to forgive.

"Fine then. I said what I wanted and I can see now that I never meant anything to you at all."

Magnus was frozen in place as he watched as the ragged figure started to walk away from him. How he longed to walk up to that figure and fling his arms around it and pull that frail body towards his own. But even if he dared to do such a thing he couldn't move anyways, not when his feet seemed to be glued to the floor.

Closing his eyes Magnus thought of Will and how he had fallen so in love with the that boy from London even though he knew Will would never feel the same way about him. He thought of Camille and how he had thought she had loved him and she never really had, at least not like he had loved her. He thought of all of his relationships, serious and not, and realized that the pain and sorrow of saying goodbye didn't even come close to how he felt now.

Opening his eyes he felt an unwanted tear slide down his cheek. Looking at the boy, who had turned around to look at him one last time, he saw that the eyes had dark circles around them and his skin was paler than normal. His hair was a mess and looked like it hadn't been washed in a few days. Magnus also noticed that even the clothes the young man had on seemed to fit looser than they had a few weeks ago. Finally Magnus's eyes spotted the glass bottle that was gripped loosely in one of the boy's hands.

"Are you drunk?" Magnus said aghast at the very idea.

"Not at the moment. Good day, Mr. Bane."

"Alexander. Wait."

**Sorry it is short, but I will try hard to add more tomorrow if I have time. If I don't I'm afraid you will have to wait until next weekend. Hope you liked this chapter. I also hope you don't mind that I focus a little but on Magnus's relationship with Alec…**


	8. Challenging Fate

Chapter 8

Tessa came to an abrupt stop as she saw the sitting figure leaning against the tree. Even with the figure being so far away and the rain and darkness of the night obscuring her vision to a degree she would never be able to mistake that figure. Stifling a gasp, Tessa took a step back into the shadows of the trees she had just stepped out of a moment ago. With a shuddering breath, she leaned against the nearest tree at an angle where he wouldn't be able to see her but she could still see him if she turned her head.

Tessa closed her eyes and put a hand over her aching heart. _Why?! Why did it seem as though fate had it out for her? It had already shattered her heart once, why must it keep toying with again and again? _

Pushing the thoughts away, Tessa tried to take a deep breath. She was sick of feeling so weak and having her heart feel as if it was shattering over and over again. With a sudden determination, she decided she would show fate that it could no longer toy with her. If fate was so insistent on shoving her in the presence of that man then so be it. She was no longer going to play the victim, especially after what had happened earlier that day.

Closing her eyes once more, she gathered all of her strength and resolve and took a calming breath. Tessa opened her eyes and took a step away from the tree. She stood there, still in the shadows, for a few seconds and gazed at the figure sitting in the rain. Even from here she could almost see how miserable he was, and something told her it wasn't from the rain. For a second Tessa felt an uncontrollable anger burn through her. What did he have to feel miserable about? He was the one who had walked away, not her. But as soon as the anger came and the thoughts had passed through her mind it faded away. She could never stay mad at him for very long, and that in itself was almost infuriating.

Deciding she had wasted enough time, Tessa took a somewhat tentative step away from the trees and into the little clearing. The rain almost seemed to come down harder the closer she got to the tree in the center where he was sitting. She stopped about ten feet away.

"James," she said gently.

Jem tensed a little at the sound of his name and wondered if it had been his imagination, until she said his name again, louder this time. Definitely not his imagination. _Why? Why now?_ His stomach tied itself into knots but he quickly but up his walls as well as he could before her voice, her very presence could affect him even more.

_What are you doing here?_ He said a little dryly once he was shore that his walls, or what was left of them, were securely in place.

"Don't flatter yourself; I didn't seek you out on purpose. I decided to go for a walk after leaving Magnus's and I just happened to stumble upon you." Tessa's voice was almost as unemotional as his own, and Jem didn't know whether the words made him feel better or worse. "Besides, what are _you_ doing just sitting in the rain?"

Jem cocked his head to the side a little, not that Tessa would be able to see him do this with his hood on, and realized with a start that the rain was falling considerably harder than it had been what felt like only a few moments ago. Jem wondered how long he had been sitting against the tree and how he hadn't noticed how soaked his clothing had become.

_I was thinking. _He said finally. He could feel Tessa looking at him and at that moment he was glad he couldn't truly see her eyes.

"James," Tessa said, once again using his full first name. He couldn't help but notice the sound of disdain in her voice.

Jem could didn't need to be able to see that she was shaking her head, he just knew her that well. She probably even had a hard look on her face at the moment.

"James." This time her voice a little softer and yet harder at the same time. "I'm sorry."

Jem furrowed his brow, confused, until she continued.

"I'm sorry that I kissed you. I knew better than to act in such an inappropriate way. I assure you it will never happen again, nor will I cross anymore lines." The words came out even and normal. They were neither rushed nor hesitant. There was no waver in Tessa's voice as she said them, no emotion what so ever. It was merely a statement. It was sincere, but still, it was just a statement. The same as if she had said she was sorry for bumping into someone or as if she was saying that the water is wet and that the snow is white.

This stunned Jem for a while and then he wondered if saying those words had hurt Tessa as much as hearing them had hurt him, but he pushed the thought away. Tessa had never been a very good liar and her voice hadn't sounded like when she was saying something she either didn't believe in or that wasn't true. Her words were the truth and he had no right to think the way he did. Neither of them had a part in the each other's lives anymore.

Jem didn't know how to respond, so he didn't. Finally after a long while of silence Tessa sighed and Jem could no longer feel the scrutinizing of her eyes upon him. She muttered something, but Jem wasn't paying enough attention to actually catch the words. Tessa turned and started to walk away, but before she got fare Jem found his voice, or well rather, gathered his thoughts enough to say something.

_Tessa._ He said as he stood up. Tessa stopped walking and looked back at him, her eyes meeting his stitched up ones.

"Goodbye, James."

Once again Jem was glad that he could not see what emotion lay in Tessa's eyes, especially now as she walked away for what he feared would be the last time.

Jem continued to stand there long after Tessa had left the little clearing. For some reason he couldn't ignore the fact that Tessa had not called him Jem once nor could he get rid of the uneasy feeling this caused him.


End file.
